kecil wajar tak tahu apa apa

Aku kenal kamu tanpa nama. Juga tanpa tahu kamu perempuan atau lelaki. Tapi akan kuanggap kamu lelaki. Coba saja koneksi internetku tidak terputus di tengah percakapan kita, mungkin saja kita sudah larut dalam cerita mu tentang smartphone terbaru. Awalnya memang keinginanku untuk tidak mengenal mu. Percakapan tanpa nama, asal, umur, dan status. Percakapan yang hanya akan diisi oleh pikiran-pikiran kita yang entah bagaimana akan terhubung meski tanpa aku tahu siapa kamu dan kamu tahu siapa aku. Iya, mungkin aku terbius oleh film-film yang sering aku tonton atau buku romance yang aku baca. Tapi akan menyenangkan berbicara dengan orang asing, pikirku. Itulah kenapa kamu menemui ku di aplikasi random conversation malam ini. Tampaknya kamu juga sependapat. 

"Kecil wajar tak tahu apa apa" itu yang kamu tulis diawal percakapan kita. Tidak seperti yang lain dengan menanyakan f/m/asl?. Aku tanya apakah itu puisi, kau jawab bukan. Lalu tanpa sadar kita sudah berbicara dari buku, film, pembajakan, hingga teknologi terbaru. Tidak sedikit pun kita membicarakan nama dan asal. Sempurna. Tapi sepertinya Tuhan benar-benar menganggap ini serius, bahwa aku memang tidak butuh tahu siapa kamu. Sebaiknya aku harus berhati-hati dengan apa yang aku inginkan. Dibuatnya putus koneksi ku malam ini, hingga aku benar-benar tidak tahu siapa kamu. Bahkan apakah kamu seorang perempuan atau lelaki. Padahal aku mulai tertarik denganmu. Aku coba lagi dengan percakapan baru. Aku tulis persis seperti yang kamu tulis waktu itu, "kecil wajar tak tahu apa apa". Berharap akan bertemu dengan mu lagi diantara "32.000+ online now". Tapi setengah jam berlalu, aku hanya bertemu dengan mereka yang menanyakan f/m/asl? di awal percakapan. Bukan kamu, yang tidak peduli dengan itu semua, sama seperti aku. Mungkin aku sudah gila. Tapi aku masih tidak rela kehilangan kamu yang merebut malam ku. Oke, sepertinya aku berlebihan dengan "kehilangan" disini. Ah, setidaknya itu membenarkan kalimat mu, "kecil wajar tak tahu apa apa". Aku memang masih kecil, tak tahu apa-apa. Begini saja sudah berlebihan. Tidak tahu mana yang fakta dan maya. Bahkan percakapan tidak jelas ini menyita pikiranku.

Hei, setidaknya, ijinkan aku mengucapkan terima kasih atas percakapan malam ini. You're like the nicest stranger i've talked to tonight. Semoga kamu membaca tulisan ini agar aku tahu nama mu. Hanya nama mu, lalu kita ngobrol lagi seperti malam ini.

Senang berbicara dengan mu,

Stranger - 01.06.14

The Finish Line

These are some parts i love in episode 17 of How I Met Your Mother season 9.

First, it's the conversation between Ted and Jeannete when Ted was trying to get Robin's locket back:

T: I'm being crazy? 

J: Yes! How long have you been hung up on Robin? Eight years?! And you're still killing yourself to fetch dumb little trinkets for her. That's crazy! I don't think there's a word for what that is. 

T: Actually, there's a word for that. It's love. I'm in love with her, okay? If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you. It's love! And when you love someone, you don't stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, especially then! You just, you don't give up. Because if i could give up, if i could just, you know, take the whole world's advice, and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for.

Second, the beach scene when Robin insisted Ted to tell her the reason why he wouldn't ask her to not being friends anymore to save his relationship with Victoria:

R: I would have understood, you know? I mean if you told me that we couldn't be friends anymore, i wouldn't have liked it, but i, God, i would have understood 

T: I could never do that 

R: Why not? Ted, okay, i insist that you tell me why not 

T: No way 

R: Answer the question, it's for the bride 

T: I'm not gonna answer the question because you know the answer. You want to talk about my top five? There's no top five, Robin! There's just a top one and it's you. And the only reason i'm saying any of this is cause i know that it's not gonna change anything, you and Barney are getting married today. If i have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening 

And at the end of the scene, Robin flew away and Ted finally let her go. It's very relieving and saddening at the same time. You know, it's been eight years he has not move on and now she finally has to go. That marriage really is the finish line for him to wake up from his delusion that he would someday end up with Robin.
I know you can't easily move on. Maybe we said we already move on but there's always that tiny hope in your heart that you somehow gonna end up with him/her. Until you finally see the finish line clearly like Ted, it will always be blurry, you'll never really move on.

#throwback #olddays

I like the bit that Barney used in The Naked Truth, one of How I met Your Mother's episodes. It generally tells how anxious Marshall about whether he'd get his dream job ---to be an environmental lawyer--- since he realized his naked-hangover-of-him-video was still on Youtube while his interviewer were doing "Google search" test about him. Meanwhile, at a 24-hour diner, Barney were trying to apologize to Nora, his crush, for lying to her by lying again. I didn't know how to react to that. He's awesome yet weird -,-

Okay, back to the topic. Shortly, after she knew that he lied again, she stormed out but it's not Barney if he couldn't get a woman back again. Yes, she melt and for return she asked Barney to list and tell her all his lies that he'd been done to get a woman sleep with him. Then they sat down all night long. At the end of conversation, Barney asked for another date. She said no, but Barney still hoped she would say yes. And Nora said "how do you still think you have a chance with me?", and Barney answered "because you sat here all night, you could've left right away, but you didn't:"

And that part punched me. cause i've been there, like Nora. Except for the Barney's part, or the whole situation, it was not precisely like that.

It was so long ago but it still vivid in my mind when i was asked if i wanted to stay a little bit longer. And before i realized, i sat again, continue the conversation, all day long. Since then i kept asking "do i fall for him?" but the other part of myself convinced me that i wasn't. If i could ask a half part of me why she asked that question to me while i was half-certain that i wasn't fall for him, maybe the answer would be "because you sat there all day, you could've left right away, but you didn't".