A Love Letter: Can I be your Friend?

Dearest my love,

It has been 5 years since we said "I love you" to each other. I can recall every moment we shared since the first time we met. The warmth look we had delicately shared. Your books you always accidentally left at my house so you can come over again without no one noticed it as a date. A gently whisper you slipped through my right ear every time i felt scared. You will be fine, I am always here, you whispered. The day you impressed me with how splendid you play your guitar at the music store. The trembling voice when i said "I love you too". They are all still vivid in my mind. I enjoy every second with you and you seem happy too. Yes, I am certainly sure, because you never smile that big, or your eyes spark that bright, in front of anyone but me. You told me so many stories you never spoke of before. And i always have the gladness of keeping someone's little secrets. It's a privilege for me. I suddenly feel special every time you did that. Well, that's your speciality, i guess, to make me feel special.

I'm afraid that being special is not all i want after all. Of course that genuine happiness and romance feeling in one time is every girls' dream including me. But that's not the whole aim in being in relationship. Sometimes i need to get rid of it. It's weird, isn't it? Let me tell you why you need to pause that romantic part of you in a proper time. The reason is i want to get crazy with you, love. I desperately want to go somewhere we don't plan out, say whatsoever we want, do anything that we absolutely will avoid in normal days. Just exactly like you do with your regular friends. You know, it has been truly beautiful of what we had done in these past 5 years, but i merely need a lemon in my sip of tea. My jealousy to your friends is inevitably high. It's getting worse when i keep thinking of "Can I be your friend instead of your love?". That gave me an uncanny sadness and confusion that what i want is at the same time what i least want in this universe.

Perhaps we need to re-describe what's the meaning of love. It's not a total sweetness. Love is a bitter and sweet. It's sugar and lemon. Perhaps you need to re-interpret what's a girlfriend means to you. Please stop making bold lines between a girlfriend and a friend. That what you do to your friends is not allowed to do to your girlfriend. That's unfair, don't you think? You may think i feel special because of it, yeah sometimes, but i don't want that forever, i'm your friend too, then treat me normally how you treat your friends.

Well, to be clearly, i'm still as happy as i was. I'm not mad. And of course I still love you berry much ---yes, it's berry, more than very. I just want our relationship to be balance. And us to be happily ever after. 

I love you.

Sincerely,

Yours